a thinky thing

I have been in the depths of my mind this last month, evaluating life decisions, relationships, goals and new ideas. It's been an interesting time and a difficult one as well. Change is a'comin' and that scares just about all of us I think. 

I have made a big decision and I mean really crazy, big, drastic decision: I am no longer going to write a thesis on Hamlet. If you had suggested to me just a couple months ago an alternative option to finishing my masters degree I would have stubbornly and with determination said that I wanted to write it, to have a book, a big bunch of pages that I had written - looking back, I think it was an ego trip. I don't care anymore about the thesis, I do still care about the topic. My passion for Shakespeare hasn't died, but my drive to teach or participate in the academic community has and I am still in a little shock over it. 

My priorities have changed drastically over this last year, slowly but drastically. Bryce and I were sitting in the "New Members" class at our church, a church I have attended for every year of my life and that I am now excited to intentionally commit to. But sitting in that class our pastor started sharing different people groups that are untouched in our surrounding community. I sat there and my heart hurt for them, I wanted to talk to them, explain grace & Jesus and in that moment the grand idea of my thesis fizzled. I realized my time will be better spent without it - as I imagined and realized that reality, my stress level vanished, I was smiling, I felt value and purpose in my decision, a rightness with God. Amazing yeah? I wasn't in a church service, I wasn't even thinking about school, but God came and graced me with peace, joy, and a satisfaction in my decision to do the exam that I never could have imagined. 

I'd love to tell you more but I have to be off to work. Maybe I'll drop in later tonight, my heart is full and the blog is a little empty. I've been caught in this "thinky thing" - a fantastic little phrase my dear friend shared with me (a quote from a professor - yes, see I could teach!) - and I am coming out of it now. I am processing and getting so excited. 

Life is filling up with meaning again.

molly

The Globe

So, I am about to start working on my thesis, really I am. Since it will likely be the topic of the year on my blog I believe I should attempt to explain it so that when you read "thesis" on here, you will understand the pain and the grandeur of what I am referencing. 

I am in love with Hamlet (when it is in Italics it means the play, not the man - I love the play, not the man). More than Hamlet I am in love with Shakespeare and have been slowly falling for him over the last four or five years. I find most of his work completely divine in its meaning, power, relevancy and testimony to the beauty and tragedy that is wrapped up in each individual. I had the privilege of seeing three of his plays this summer at The Globe theater in London - if you go to London you will be an idiot if you miss The Globe - a big, sad, uncultured idiot. It is an experience that changes you, makes Shakespeare comprehensible and links you with the audiences of the last four hundred years that have been enjoying his plays. Bryce and I had groundling seats (they only cost £5 but you do stand the entire time) for Henry IV: Part 1, one of the more famous history plays because of the infamous Falstaff (played by the exquisite Roger Allam) who makes his first appearance here. Bryce and I laughed so much, we were enthralled, overwhelmed, swept away by the comedy, the brilliance and the ambiance. We were beaming at each other by the end of the three hour play, shaking our heads and laughing still when we heard - "are you coming back tonight for part 2?" - "PART 2!" we looked at each other with victory in our eyes "Yes yes, we are!!" With that my darling husband let me peruse the amazing Shakespeare gift shop while he ran down to seek out two remaining groundling tickets for the upcoming performance. Yes, we had just stood for three hours - we had also been walking non-stop as we were in Europe and that is all you do - but we did not care, Shakespeare had won both of us over and we were willing to give up all comfort for him. - It was an amazing night, one that I will never ever forget. It is pure joy when the person you love most dearly gets a glimpse (or a full seven hours) of what you are most passionate about. Bryce understood my love and zeal for Shakespeare that night more fully than ever before and to this day when I remember that afternoon & evening my heart softens and my eyes tear up, it was heaven on earth for me and I was blessed to have with me a husband that recognized my joy and then shared it with me.

Huh, as you can see, my passion prohibits me from reaching my point: My Thesis - ah yes, remember that? I will pause here to draw attention to the fact that, clearly, my brain is not working - I cannot focus, I can only go on and on and on about anything you like - except my thesis.  ahem.

Attempt two: In my thesis I am writing about Hamlet (the man) and how he experiences death and grief, how those emotions are likely reflections of Shakespeare's as he had previously lost his father the year before and his son, Hamnet, a few years earlier. While I cannot make the grief connection an important aspect of the thesis as it is purely speculative, I am fascinated at the truth and reality that Hamlet's mind illustrates as he struggles to understand, digest and live with death. So there, in a very small nut shell that is what I will be researching and working on until October. I will be posting quotes, notes & probably some pictures too with the hopes that you learn a little more about Hamlet than you ever cared to know. 

Here's a glimpse of the fun Bryce and I had at The Globe - again, make sure you go and then when you do, write me a REALLY long letter telling me how right I was and how much more complete you are as a person. I'll enjoy it.

The Great Roger Allam as Falstaff (and yes, he's in V for Vendetta and plays a creep).

Another reason why The Globe is my paradise, there is a Starbucks across the street.

The stage set

Resting our weary feet but still oh-so-happy!

Thanks for reading this one and putting up with me. Now I really need to get to work on my thesis, really. Here I go!

molly