The Globe

So, I am about to start working on my thesis, really I am. Since it will likely be the topic of the year on my blog I believe I should attempt to explain it so that when you read "thesis" on here, you will understand the pain and the grandeur of what I am referencing. 

I am in love with Hamlet (when it is in Italics it means the play, not the man - I love the play, not the man). More than Hamlet I am in love with Shakespeare and have been slowly falling for him over the last four or five years. I find most of his work completely divine in its meaning, power, relevancy and testimony to the beauty and tragedy that is wrapped up in each individual. I had the privilege of seeing three of his plays this summer at The Globe theater in London - if you go to London you will be an idiot if you miss The Globe - a big, sad, uncultured idiot. It is an experience that changes you, makes Shakespeare comprehensible and links you with the audiences of the last four hundred years that have been enjoying his plays. Bryce and I had groundling seats (they only cost £5 but you do stand the entire time) for Henry IV: Part 1, one of the more famous history plays because of the infamous Falstaff (played by the exquisite Roger Allam) who makes his first appearance here. Bryce and I laughed so much, we were enthralled, overwhelmed, swept away by the comedy, the brilliance and the ambiance. We were beaming at each other by the end of the three hour play, shaking our heads and laughing still when we heard - "are you coming back tonight for part 2?" - "PART 2!" we looked at each other with victory in our eyes "Yes yes, we are!!" With that my darling husband let me peruse the amazing Shakespeare gift shop while he ran down to seek out two remaining groundling tickets for the upcoming performance. Yes, we had just stood for three hours - we had also been walking non-stop as we were in Europe and that is all you do - but we did not care, Shakespeare had won both of us over and we were willing to give up all comfort for him. - It was an amazing night, one that I will never ever forget. It is pure joy when the person you love most dearly gets a glimpse (or a full seven hours) of what you are most passionate about. Bryce understood my love and zeal for Shakespeare that night more fully than ever before and to this day when I remember that afternoon & evening my heart softens and my eyes tear up, it was heaven on earth for me and I was blessed to have with me a husband that recognized my joy and then shared it with me.

Huh, as you can see, my passion prohibits me from reaching my point: My Thesis - ah yes, remember that? I will pause here to draw attention to the fact that, clearly, my brain is not working - I cannot focus, I can only go on and on and on about anything you like - except my thesis.  ahem.

Attempt two: In my thesis I am writing about Hamlet (the man) and how he experiences death and grief, how those emotions are likely reflections of Shakespeare's as he had previously lost his father the year before and his son, Hamnet, a few years earlier. While I cannot make the grief connection an important aspect of the thesis as it is purely speculative, I am fascinated at the truth and reality that Hamlet's mind illustrates as he struggles to understand, digest and live with death. So there, in a very small nut shell that is what I will be researching and working on until October. I will be posting quotes, notes & probably some pictures too with the hopes that you learn a little more about Hamlet than you ever cared to know. 

Here's a glimpse of the fun Bryce and I had at The Globe - again, make sure you go and then when you do, write me a REALLY long letter telling me how right I was and how much more complete you are as a person. I'll enjoy it.

The Great Roger Allam as Falstaff (and yes, he's in V for Vendetta and plays a creep).

Another reason why The Globe is my paradise, there is a Starbucks across the street.

The stage set

Resting our weary feet but still oh-so-happy!

Thanks for reading this one and putting up with me. Now I really need to get to work on my thesis, really. Here I go!

molly

mystery tulip

In my theme last week of finding some lovely but simple activities to brighten my day I found myself at Trader Joes (which I am finding almost as addicting as Target) and outside on their curb I found some potted tulips for just $2.99. The colors were gorgeous, purple, pink, yellow and white and I seriously could not decide which one to get. Mind you, I am an extremely decisive person, it's one of the things I am proud of - I know what I want, I find it, I get it - simple. However, this whole which-tulip-is-best thing pushed me over the edge so with a suggestion from my mom I grabbed one with some buds on it but no color showing yet - A MYSTERY TULIP! "What a perfect idea mom!"

I ran home, put it in one of my favorite pots that has housed many cut tulips but never an entire plant, and I waited for the blooming to begin. I am somewhat embarrassed to say that this plant has brought me unreasonable amounts of joy. Maybe it has something to do with being home-schooled for nine years, but waking up each morning and peeking at the buds to guess their color & then last night seeing that they are a deep and beautiful purple has entertained and thrilled me exceedingly. I can't seem to stop myself from taking endless amounts of pictures in all angles of the new blooms. It's as though I'm afraid God won''t repeat himself and I HAVE to catch it right now before the moment is gone. I'm trying to learn what that says about me, I know that I am a tragic sentimentalist - an English professor (my favorite one to be exact) told us that all English majors are extremely sentimental and that that is because we find meaning, beauty, and a piece of something timeless in so many, perhaps too many things. So in three simple and barely blooming purple tulip buds I am learning of how deeply I cherish moments, why I have to visit Disneyland at just the right time of day, and why I cry so damn easily - (well maybe that's just a thing I got from my mom) but in any case, I am learning of myself through a tiny piece of God's creation. I don't even have to go outside, the plant is in here with me astounding me with how simple & lovely God's imagination is.

I'm sure there will be more photos to come, but enjoy this one - and maybe sneak over to TJ's and grab yourself a piece of original creation for just $2.99.

molly

domesticity

Today I struggled; do I go to work (it is sort of optional as I set my own hours) or do I do the dishes and clean my house? While neither is particularly thrilling I am always more excited about the idea of being home and taking care of the things I fill it with. However, as domesticity does not bring in the money I pushed myself into my car and headed off to work. Then at the third red light I made a u-turn and went home. I happily hopped into my little apartment, changed into a little black skirt and a comfy sweater and settled into my kitchen to do the dishes. I splashed myself in the face with water and had so many dishes to do that I didn't even have space for all of them. While my dish-washing wasn't a complete success, as some are still waiting for me in the sink, I feel so happy, glowing, and proud of myself. I'm about to set out the door to go to Target with my mom, one of my all-time favorite traditions. We will get coffee, browse, splurge (just a little but come on, it's Target!) and stock up on all the necessaries. I am so excited and it's days like today when I realize that this - taking care of my home - is what I am meant to do. While now is not the time, as Bryce and I really must work hard to make our little lives comfortable and adequate, I look forward to that future and feel so blessed to have a husband that I know will do everything in his power to make it possible. 

So there you have it, it's one o'clock in the afternoon and all I've done is make the bed, do the dishes, clean up a little, and not go to work - I couldn't be happier (well, I will be at Disneyland tonight so I may be a little happier then). It is in living the simple life where I consistently find the most meaning and joy. So go, and do something simple today!

colors - a poem

Looking back to dark times in life is discouraging, difficult and often pushes us into reasoned sadness. As I fingered through the pages of an old journal I had reserved for my rare creative moments, I found this poem written from a time of personal despair and grief. However, when I read it the sad feelings are remembered but not allowed to hurt me.  And I feel the hope the comes out of sadness, I remember that grief brings blessing, that pain is a problem (to reference the iconic C.S. Lewis) because we must endure it to see the beauty in the end. 
{Incidentally, I think this poem will solve some of the mystery surrounding the name of my blog - enjoy}

colors

I lost the colors

my own and my ability to see them.

amber, forest, shell and cocoa tones - 

gonelostgiventaken

my daylight was darker than an unmooned sky

all the colors faded from me and lost their glow

they turned to whispy white and patched grey shades

I became dark like the close black shadows I saw around me

darker and darker till

even the whispers of white began to char

but He came

the maker of color brought light that pierced my prison black place

and my eyes

he put the green back into them

and I saw the darkness

coveringdrippingpouring out of me

he wrenched it out so I could see - 

puddles of oily black and muddy grey below -

and then He made me white.

he held me 

stretched me out

repainted me with his colors.

- written on august.8.2007 by me

a winter painting

Here is a little winter painting I wanted to share with you. I happen to be a huge fan of the art work of Peter and Harrison Ellenshaw's. They (father & son) have a long history with Disney Art and animation and in my opinion, their pieces possess a rare and simple magic. They have a way of painting what feel like hidden moments, moments that make you think you've caught Winnie and Tigger on an ordinary afternoon romping in the snow. This "ordinary" moment is made extraordinary by the gift it offers to my imagination. Here, my beloveds of old are slowly & happily wandering through the woods, it looks so natural, so dear, so probable to my imagination, as if they have always done this. I love the power of this image, it's as if my imagination is opened up and the little molly inside me is waving at my old friends in the woods, wondering just what they will do next.

retail

I work at Barnes & Noble. It's three days until Christmas. Today, a customer asked me, "You guys busy today?" . . . the fact that I didn't completely offend him with the look on my face is a Christmas miracle. Could he not look around? Could he not visibly see all the misplaced piles of books, calendars and cards? The crowded store filled with wet and frantic customers? The HUGE stack of book lights I was holding and trying to get around him to put away? The frazzled look on every employees face? - I don't know why he said it, I tend to dismiss a lot of the customers I encounter as just not quite having it all together, like the lady who did not realize that we have an "up-stairs" despite the fact that she was standing beside the escalator. Yet I am called to love these people, to serve them and be kind to them by not only my boss, but by my own personal convictions and by my darling Lord. It bothers me that at Christmas time we celebrate Jesus coming to the earth out of His love for us and that I struggle so much to love others in relatively simple ways. 

 While no one yelled at me today, should I use that as my measurement of the days success? No, it's true that people are crazy, well, a lot of them are crazy and if the crazy ones yell at me they were probably planning on doing so when they walked in and not in actual response to something I did. However, I forget to look back on my day and reflect on how well I helped people, if I even did well at all. Shouldn't that be my focus? The fact is that I have two days of madness left at the bookstore frightens me. It is constant chaos as seeming busloads of people shove themselves through our doors and crowd the aisles. However, these two days give  me 16 more hours of opportunity to relax in the chaos, to look people in the eye, assist them, go above and beyond, and put the book they need in their hand. 

I work in a great place where we sell information, experiences of all kinds, wisdom and help. How many places sell things like that? Yes, we also sell things like the "Fart Book" (which is actually our No. 1 employee recommended seller - how's that for a heart-breaker?),  but I like to overlook that aspect of the store and just laugh at the fact that silly people like my mom would get a kick out of a farting book. It's just more proof that there really is a book for everyone.

But to get on with it, I am pledging here with you as my witness, that I will share the themes of Christmas to the very best of my ability with my customers over these next two days. The themes: Joy, family, cheer and the Good News that Linus is so good to remind us of.

So if you come into  Barnes & Noble on these last two shopping days before Christmas and find me, I will do my best to help you and leave you happy that you came in. I want others to feel Christmas in my attitude, see it in my eyes, and hear it in my tone and carefully thought out words. I will report back on how it all goes and relax tonight in the glow of my Christmas tree and the knowledge that no grinchy customer can snatch away the True Meaning of Christmas - and you know how I love meaning.

And in order to ensure a great experience for us both, here are just a few tips I wish I could give to every shopper (you don't have to read this, it just helps me vent really):*It helps when you know the title or even just the author of the book you are looking for. Clues or hints like, "the book was blue," or "there was a girl on the cover" are not helpful. *As you shop be kind to the employees just in case they really are trying to help you. *If you are treated badly by an employee, try and understand that it may be because they were just treated badly - there are grinches in this world and while they won't ruin Christmas, they may ruin an hour or two of work time. *Don't ask us to shop for you. *Finally, and for heaven's sake, please do not stop us in the midst of the chaos to ask if we are busy! 

molly

thank goodness for "however"s

I woke up this morning and did NOT want to go to church. While I was lying in bed contemplating my options I received a text message from a dear friend inviting Bryce and I to lunch after church. I also did NOT want to go to lunch. My lack of desire to do anything was most likely the result of a full & busy retail work week combined with the after-effects of a fabulous work party I attended the night before. I love people but they exhaust me and I had quite simply filled my need to socialize and was left wallowing in my introvertedness. Thus, I politely declined the invite saying I wasn't feeling well and continued laying in bed trying justify my desires to remain there.

However, - and thank goodness for "however"s! - my dear husband was up early, ready to go to church and sweetly asking me to go with him. So I got up, put my darling new boots on and husband in hand we headed out into the rain. To make a "short story long" as my boss likes to say, a friend of Bryce's met us at church to check it out and see if it would be a good fit for her. Appropriately, her name is Precious. The service was great (made better by some chocolate chip cookies I snuck in - I love being an "adult") and it was wonderful to see some dearly missed faces and all the regular but beloved ones as well. During the service I received a texted response to my earlier declination saying that some spicy curry and pomegranate martinis were just the thing to make me feel better and we should still do lunch - she was right and I happily gave in.

Thai food is not something I go out of my way to eat but Precious was excited and she gave me the courage to go and taste. Our dear friends, a married couple we had done junior high ministry with some years back were our benevolent hosts . Making sure that we had enough food and pomegranate martinis, we were entertained with countless stories ranging from hilarious to heartbreaking - that kind of thing happens when one of your hosts is a hospice worker and a crazy New Zealander (I think the "zeal" part really carried over). We ended up staying at the restaurant until 3 o'clock thoroughly enjoying the company. It was truly a God-given and God-orchestrated series of events that, pathetically, I was completely willing to go without when I woke up this morning.

Today was just another instance where I came so close to missing out on huge blessings. It reminds me that life is a string of constant opportunity and that I am too often afraid to reach my hand into the bag of blessings and experiences that God holds open to me. In going to church and lunch I learned about people, I built relationships, I enjoyed fellowship and I loved them.  Once again God spared me from waste and gave me far more than I ever could have thought I wanted.